I wish:
1. That everyone stays safe this Christmas, both from crime and from dinner table conversations with family. A good way to save money on Christmas gifts is to discuss politics. My Druncle Mac used to drink stuff that not only hit the spot but would also remove spots. I do miss my Druncle Mac and his boozy political rantings. I learned to approach a gun and an uncle the same way: just assume they are loaded.
2. Norman Lear had not died. Comedy is being killed by the left, of which he was once an important part by using smart satire to help us understand the world. His obit should have said, “Norman Lear was preceded in death by his wife and by Americans’ ability to laugh at ourselves.”
3. There were fewer “historic firsts” from this woke administration. Enough already. In another historic first under Biden, Lia Thomas became the first NCAA woman swimmer who could write her name in the snow.
4. Hunter Biden would quit dodging Congresses’ subpoenas and testify under oath about his hooker, drug, and stripper exploits. The Senate and House love a good continuing education seminar.
5. The bitter Liz Cheney would go away. She, Rep Swalwell and Adam Schiff vie to be the worst people in America. They have been good friends for years, dating back to their college theater class where they studied Manufactured Drama together.
6. Liz Cheney, like her dad and now like the whole Democrat party, wants to go to war all the time. Our country used to manufacture military arms to fight wars. Now we manufacture wars to sell military arms.
7. Republicans learned from their hard stance on abortion that 70% of Americans favor some form of choice. The Republican stance is not a winning one. Neither Washington nor any politician should make life or death decisions for you, and certainly not a legislative body that is 80% men. If men could get pregnant, abortions would be available in vending machines.
8. The same logic trips up Democrats. Every time there is a shooting, they say we need to make a law to make guns illegal. You know, the same way as when drugs were made illegal, that got rid of drugs.
9. Biden was not hurt when a drunk driver hit an SUV in his motorcade this week. Biden was seen walking toward the street when this happened. He must have thought he heard an ice cream truck.
10. Our political gerontocracy, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden, is well. They are about Mick Jagger’s age and can hardly function. Jagger sings and dances for two hours on stage in every show. I don’t think enough medical research has been done on the long-term benefits of booze when combined with sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
11. The Wall Street Journal reported that soaring inflation is the top concern among women. In England, a man was arrested for offering a girl food for sex. He is being charged with one count of online dating.
12. They would get to the bottom of the gay sex video in the Senate hearing room of Democrat Sen. Ben Cardin’s staffer with a German guy, who was on top. It could have been just them reenacting World War II. The Senate staffer responsible, instead of paying for bookmarks, just bent over a page.
13. Art Blank would sell the Falcons; he is a horrible owner. If he tried to pass the buck he’d probably get intercepted. Blank seldom drafts SEC players, and he meddles like a helicopter mom. He has more baby mamas than his players.
14. And on another NFL note, the Kansas City Chiefs lost back-to-back to the Bills and Packers. I hear Taylor Swift is exploring a late season trade.
15. Crime in Democrat-controlled cities would dissipate. Right now the Christmas Advent Calendar for Atlanta has most windows boarded up with plywood. During my last year in Atlanta, I slept in a hoodie and COVID mask. That way, when my home was invaded, I could pop out of bed and they’d think I was a part of the crew.
16. The perpetual nanny state, California, has a new law requiring stores that sell boy and girl dolls to have a separate section for gender neutral or fluid dolls. What a perfect spot for the Tom Cruise doll.
17. New York, hoping to “get” Trump, changed the statute of limitations on sexual assault laws allowing purported victims to go back 20 years. Women came out of the woodwork to sue wealthy men like Russell Brand, Jamie Fox and Axel Rose (Axel from an alleged 1989 incident). It is so brave of these women to come out so soon, suing for money, as to save so many other women.
18. Not to ruin your Christmas, but we tell the kids that Santa “sees you when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.” That sounds way too much like Bill Cosby playing France. Or they might say it was them being fiscally responsible.
