By Dr. Lindsey Balderaz
Patience is a critical life skill that can have a big impact on how children and adults experience the process of waiting. As adults, we are often faced with opportunities to wait: waiting in line, waiting for our order to come in, waiting for our next paycheck to purchase a needed item. The feeling of waiting may cause discomfort, and this is especially true for children.
Children do not have as strong of a grasp of time, so when they are asked to wait, they may need additional help understanding how long, and what to do while they wait. When children have not mastered the art of waiting, you may notice temper tantrums, frequent repeating of questions, and other forms of distress.
There are a couple of things parents and other adults can do to help children learn the process of waiting and develop patience.
The first strategy is to name it. When you notice your child becoming distressed because they don’t have the thing they want yet, get on their eye level, use a calm and reassuring voice, and let them know that they will have to wait. Explain to them that they will receive the item they desire, but they will need to be patient. Describe how long they will need to wait. Share with the child that you understand that waiting can be hard, but being inpatient will not make the item come to them faster.
Another strategy for helping children develop the skill of patience is to model it. When you, as an adult, are waiting, verbalize to your child the process that you are going through: “we are waiting in line until it is our turn. We can’t cut in line, because that would be unfair, so we will stand in line and wait, even if it is hard. It should be out turn in about 2 minutes.”
Another example: “I am waiting for my new shoes to come in the mail. I ordered them a week ago but they are not here yet. I will continue to be patient and wait. I am excited to get them, but I will need to be patient.” These modeling strategies will help your children begin to develop their own inner dialogue (how they talk to themselves).
Children do not come into the world intrinsically knowing many of the life skills that are required for their future success, including waiting. Some children will have an easier time learning this skill, as it causes less discomfort for some than others. With many of the skills needed for success, using language to describe what is happening and modeling when you use the skill are two strategies to help your child on their path to mastering these competencies.
