By Dr. Lindsey Balderaz
Mealtimes seem to be a consistent area of stress and frustration for many parents of young children. Whether the child refuses to eat what you prepare, or claims to be full so they may leave the table only to return to the pantry a few minutes later for snacks, the process can be defeating.
Luckily, you’re not alone, and developmental research has shed some light on why formal mealtimes can be so challenging with young children.
One of the biggest barriers to a successful mealtime routine is a child’s short attention span. On average, children’s attention span is about 1 minute longer than their age (i.e., 4 years old = 5 minutes of sustained attention). Depending on cultural norms, people may expect their formal mealtime to last anywhere from 30 minutes to over an hour. This creates a mismatch between the amount of attention your child can sustain and the required time to complete the meal. It also explains why many children prefer snacks on the go.
Some suggestions to help alleviate this is to understand in advance how long your child will successfully pay attention or be engaged in mealtime. Try working with your child to set a goal for how long they will remain engaged in mealtime (appropriate for their age), and slowly increase the time as they become more successful and older.
Also, try adding conversation topics into mealtime that are specifically geared toward their interests. This might give them a break from eating and allow their attention to focus on something they are passionate or motivated by.
Another aspect to consider is the type of food you are serving and how difficult it might be for the child to eat. Sometimes children get discouraged or give up when they have trouble scooping, twirling, or otherwise getting the food from the plate into their mouth. Consider helping your child get started by making the pieces small enough and convenient to pick up with their fingers. You may even consider helping them scoop and take bites, even if they typically are able to use a fork and spoon. Notice if they are struggling and then provide the assistance needed. Slowly require more and more independence as they become more skilled. Keep in mind that children under 8 have underdeveloped fine motor skills and hands that are still growing and shifting structurally. The coordination it takes to use utensils may be frustrating for them.
Sitting down as a family for mealtimes can be a very fulfilling and joyous experience; a time to reflect on your day, discuss important events, and celebrate. A few simple shifts in how you approach your time together may help take the stress and frustration out of your daily meal routines.
