Florida Man went back to the Lurch today to talk with the old timer again and was surprised to see John Wayne and Gary Cooper gabbing with the duffer. They were all sitting on orange crates.
“Hello pilgrim,” Wayne said. “This old fella was just talking about you. Said you were kind of nosy.”
“I am kinda nosy,” I said. “I like to find things out with my nose. What brings you two here?”
“For me, It’s High Noon,” said Cooper. “This here election’s got me hornswogagled. I just know a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.”
“What’s that,” I asked.
“How the hell do I know. I didn’t write that script,” he said rankled.
Wayne chortled, “A man deserves a second chance but keep an eye on him. A big mouth don’t make a big man.”
“You’re right John. All famous people aren’t big people,” Cooper said.
To me he said, “A man fights for what he believes in, Fernando.”
I said, “My names not Fernando, it’s Florida Man. But that doesn’t matter right now. Just don’t call me Shirley. You can call me Ishmael if you want to.”
The old timer popped up and did a silly dance and said, “Don’t I get a break.”
We all turned to him.
“He’s a killer of the worst kind,” he says. “Stands five foot tall, over 70, white hair and wears a little bonnet on top of it. No wait a minute. That’s someone else. It must be this rotgut whiskey.”
We were all surprised to see Cary Grant walk up.
“Howdy Pilgrim,” Wayne said. “Grab an orange crate.”
Grant pulled up a crate that said, “Florida Orange Groves Winery.” A nice brand.
“Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant,” he said by way of introduction.
“What the hell are you talking about,” Cooper said.
“I don’t know. Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops,” Grant said.
Everyone rolled their eyes.
“Well, I’ve got to go,” Wayne said. “My horse needs me. Just remember you guys, and that includes you Florida Man, if that’s your real name which I doubt. Men should be tough, fair and courageous, never petty, never looking for a fight.”
Cooper stood up to leave too.
“I ain’t proud of what I’ve done over there. What we done in France is something we had to do. Some fellows done it ain’t a-comin’ back. So, the way I figure things like that ain’t for buyin’ and sellin’. I reckon I’ll have to refuse them. Also, a free people can beat the world at anything, from war to tiddlywinks, if we all pull in the same direction.”
We nodded again not knowing what he meant.
Grant and I stood up together but the old timer said to wait a second.
“I’m staying’ here til’ it’s all over,” he said.
“See you next election,” I said, waving goodbye.
