Florida Man’s semi-annual insurance exam was yesterday.
The important things to remember are “book, lamp, tree.” These are the three words the nurse is going to ask you to repeat to prove you’re not cognitively impaired. If you can remember the words you may qualify to continue to collect on your long-term care insurance.
That’s the insurance that for 20 years has been costing $1,000 a month.
I know Trump couldn’t pass the test but I’m pretty sure I did.
See, they try to trick you by telling you the words and then asking you to repeat them five minutes later. They also ask you the day of the week and a bunch more basic questions including the country you live it. I said Canada or Mexico because that’s where Eric and I are headed if the cretin wins.
The nurse who did the testing, a very nice woman from Jamaica, confirmed that Trump failed the test when she gave it to him. We talked about where she would go in the terrible event that he wins. She said back to Jamaica where it’s safe from the Migras, the immigration cops.
There is more.
You have to recall if you’ve ever had any or all of 250 diseases (some of which haven’t been discovered yet), if you’ve ever coughed without putting you mouth in you sleeve, and to repeat those three words again.
Other TMI questions include:
Do you actually still have a driver’s license?
Do you poo (yes, she said poo) regularly?
Do you brush your own dentures?
Use the pen and copy these shapes.
She also said, If I knock you to the floor to see if you can get up, what would you say. My answer: “What the god-damned freaking hell.” She said that was the right answer and I got a prize. I chose one pack of flushable wipes. The other choice was a box of ExLax.
An hour after she said, “Just one more question,” we were almost done.
Then she asked the wrong question. “Do you have any questions?, she said.
I said, “Grab your pen.”
I said, “Grab your pen.”
“If you ask me to draw a circle and I can and I can tell you what year it is and the name of my fifth grade teacher, why are there more questions?
“if you ask me to count by sevens backward from 100 and I can do it and you ask me to spell “world” backward and I can, why are there more questions?
“It the insurance company approved me once, do they think I’ve improved because I got older?
“If you ask me why I need help walking and I trip and fall, have I proved I need help? Do I have to break my hip to prove to the blood-sucking insurance company I need help?
“I know you can’t answer so just tell me two things, I said an hour after I said just one more question.”
“Are you going to vote for Kamala Harris and what were those three words again?”
