By William F. Holland Jr. Ph.D.
Ordained/Licensed Christian minister
Many will disagree, but a happy and successful marriage is based on a personal relationship with Christ. And why is this? There are many reasons, but we can begin with the character traits and attitudes of a true follower of Jesus is what takes marriage to the highest level of joy, emotional well-being, and contentment. Those committed to Christ are model spouse’s and parents. In today’s society, people use the term “Christian” loosely, and it’s at the point where I use this label more cautious than ever. If you ask people if they are a Christian, you will receive a wide range of responses and some that are without a personal connection to God at all.
It’s easy to go along with the masses when it comes to seeking approval. The danger is that some who claim to be a Christian have faked it for so long, the guilty feelings of being a phony don’t bother them anymore. Back in the eighties I recorded an album called, “It’s not a game” and yet the carnal mind is so clever and manipulating, playing the “game” unfortunately can become a normal way of life. Becoming numb to the Holy Spirit’s conviction and the presence of God is rebellion, and a distraction tactic used by the dark side to lure individuals away from spiritual reality. Even between husbands and wives, going through the motions is eroding the very integrity of trust and honesty within this sacred union that is symbolized as the holy bride of Christ.
The world is exploding with marriage and family problems and even though we have unlimited knowledge and Biblical resources at our fingertips, the question is how much understanding is being absorbed? Even more important, how motivated and determined are we to demonstrate spiritual truth into our daily lives? Disregarding the holy vows of marriage along with ignoring God’s demands and promises leaves the nuclear family vulnerable to corruption, and yet it seems the average mom and dad fail to realize what this means or having a sense of urgency to protect it. When parents refuse to embrace the truth about spiritual warfare and the desperate need to pray, that family is already being held captive by sin.
Psychiatry, education, science and pop culture do not discern God’s vision and purpose of marriage and raising children. The world indoctrinates young people to do whatever they want and when it comes to relationships, don’t worry about marriage, just have fun. This horrible advice of avoiding responsibility is being injected into our society through music, books, movies, all forms of media entertainment, politics, philosophies, pornography, and everything in-between. Disgraceful lyrics like, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with” might be catchy, but they are destructive lifestyles being taught to lead the masses into darkness.
Consider how much has changed in the last 60 years, and yet the modern concept is that we are progressing toward a better world. Tearing down morality and Godly standards and replacing them with deceptive lies, fantasies, and evil intentions is not the right direction to say the least. It’s not a coincidence that Satan targets children because if he can deceive them, he can develop and control their minds. This is why followers of Jesus must train their children in the ways of God! This is the hope for the future of strong Christian marriages.
You see, changing external circumstances is not the solution to internal peace and satisfaction. Many adults are like little children who are spoiled and selfish. They have unrealistic desires and whine and cry when they do not get their way. Like we said earlier, immaturity and the lack of self-discipline comes from the persuasions and temptations of Satan whose mission is to deceive and ruin the entire world. Our carnality is vulnerable to being wicked and thinking impure thoughts, which is why we must resist and fight against it in faith and obedience.
If you are struggling with being dissatisfied in your marriage today, I want to encourage you to cry out to God and ask Him to help you. Maybe the expectations for your marriage have become unrealistic. Maybe you are not happy in your marriage because you are frustrated, disappointed, and discouraged with yourself. If we are only seeking entitlement, and personal satisfaction without considering what our spouse is feeling and thinking, we are lacking the understanding of empathy, communication, and compassion which is the foundational bond of marital intimacy.
Dr. Holland is an ordained minister, chaplain, and author. Read more about the Christian life at billyhollandministries.com.
